If you’ve been following along you know that life (specifically my life) has been filled with tumult and change for the last few years.
After the divorce I really struggled to determine where I belonged, where I felt at home and what made me … well, what made me ME. I didn’t know what I liked and didn’t like, I didn’t know what my opinions were on much of anything and I didn’t have a clue what I looked like without my husband’s gaze to guide me. Co-dependency is real.
Six months after the separation the girls and I got a dog, Molly. Molly is my love, my companion, the bestest girl and the dearest snuggler I’ve ever known.
She is also my walking partner every single day. When we brought her home she was malnourished and very ill. With the vet’s assistance and guidance we helped her heal and I started walking her every morning to increase her strength.
One morning, while hurting over a social event that I didn’t attend to avoid seeing my ex, I felt that my world was so small, that he owned all of the places I held dear – either due to his presence, his influence or my memory of him. I had nothing, I belonged nowhere.
With tears in my eyes, I looked up at the early morning sky and the buildings around me and the rabbits taunting Molly and I thought “This is my place.” and I felt better. I felt like I belonged to that pre-dawn silence, to the pregnant possibility of a new day.
From that day forward, I would often center myself in a moment by looking at my immediate surroundings and proclaiming ‘this is my place.’ I still do – I just did. In Starbuck’s right now, looking out the window and listening to Dresden Dolls … my place.
Since the move Molly and I have continued our early morning adventures. The surroundings are very different, there are less skunks and more deer … but the promise of the new morning is the same. It is my place and it’s magic.
When I sat down to draw this piece my intention was to do a landscape of some kind .. and then this little guy showed up, wide eyed and small in the environment. He is a presence in the space regardless of size. It is his place. I felt a kinship and a smile, and those two things are precious to me.
May you claim your place today. May you look at the space you inhabit and feel a sense of power and ownership and agency.
Artwork available here: https://www.etsy.com/listing/629663254