“Ampersand”

This piece hangs in my sister’s home. She’s not my sister really. She’s my sister-in-law. She’s not my sister-in-law really, since the divorce. She’s something else. And I adore her. Tough and so clever. Resilient and powerful. Complicated and strong and determined in a way I admire.

I’ve never had a sister really … not until my divorce. The divorce inspired connections and loves with other women in my life … and now I have so many sisters. I lost much and I gained more. I am, in many ways, sister to myself now.

So what does it mean, to have sisters? These women I lean on and share with? These women I turn to when I am heartbroken and falling in love? My nets and stability when I need to rest in the pockets of people I trust? It means I feel, perpetually and constantly, an unconditional acceptance of who I am. They see my inconsistencies and they support my needs, even as they change on a day to day basis. These are my people. These women are my loves. They have been, and I trust will be, there with me when all is beautiful and when the storm clouds roll in.

They weren’t sisters until I found myself alone and abandoned and despondent. And then they arrived into my life. Telling me, over and over, that I was not alone. Over and over that I had value and worth and a bountiful power that my divorces couldn’t take from me. That I was inherently good and important.

I love them.

I am currently falling in love with a man I enjoy and respect very much. This may end in catastrophe. It is statistically likely that it will. And while I am cautious and diligent and aware I also do feel a freeness to let myself go a little bit. I trust that these women will watch me and watch with me. I trust that they will be there to cheer me on whether I am rebuilding after a heartbreak or celebrating a relationship that is fulfilling and good.

I trust them. And because of them, I trust myself.

So much love and gratitude to these women, my tribe and my heart. You have helped me to make myself whole. There are men here too … I don’t want to disregard them. But I have brothers. If I may, I’m going to call them sisters as well. Welcome to the sisterhood boys. It’s beautiful here.

“Ampersand”

Prints of “Ampersand” can be found here: https://www.etsy.com/listing/993645324

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