Artwork Blog


Color Me 2020! – New Release

Five Years Gestation for this one … that’s an old baby! I released Color Me 2015, almost exactly five years ago, and a few months past it occurrecd to me that I really did have enough material to launch a follow up. Thus, Color Me 2020 was born. These are a collection of older images…

Bernadette – She Sees You.

It seems most everything in my life is about Covid now … and the stress is remarkable. So far, no one in my family is sick, none of my immediate friends are sick … there is a very very real and very very nebulous suspense. When will it arrive? I feel the coolness of the…

A note on living with trauma

I am blessed with a wonderful friend – whom I write to every day. It is a grounding and beautiful experience, to have such a correspondence. This morning I struggled with my PTSD. This morning I was snatched away from my life in an instant and had to work my way back. This happens from…

I Plant My Feet and Magic Blooms

A few weeks ago I was meeting with friends and the question was posed – ‘What do you know for certain?’ This is a big question – monumental in many ways. Can I trust my senses? Can I trust my experiences, my recollections, even the lessons I’ve learned in the last 44 years? Can I…

All Thumbs – in Oil

Last year I fell in love with a man who swore he always hurt people – that he was ‘pregnant with disappointment’ and seemed helpless to be otherwise … a week after he returned the chair and tumbler I’d left at his home … the final totems of our year together, I had this dream….

Caring for the Soul Under Quarantine

I’ve been seeing the meme, you know the one, Mr. Rogers looking back at you with the quote: “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,” Rogers said to his television neighbors, “my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are…

Jack and the Tales We Tell

Sun dapples her furrowed brow as she crunches through the apple, tiny mouth chawing and talking “But why are we doing this?” Blue tennis shoes, god they are filthy, scuffing at the hard packed dirt. I’ve told her why in so many ways. Words and hugs and songs and tears and still she always wants…

2019 – What I Learned

Oh this day has snuck up on me! It seems like last year I was far more prepared for this reflection and this year I’m winging it. This was a year of bravery for me. In March I went on my first date since my separation and divorce in 2016 and I felt the exhilaration…

Asmodeus

“Asmodeus” – pregnant with disappointment. I have ‘daddy issues’ … it’s so cliche as to be absurd and embarassing and yet here I am. A recent experience with an ex left me reeling at my own skewed view and expectations of men in my life. This man was bigger than life when we were together….

All Thumbs

About a week ago I was meeting with my support group and giving my regular update and things went really badly. Below is an excerpt of the email I sent to a friend the next morning: I am feeling a bit awkward about last night and how I express happiness.  This seems silly I know, but…

Slow to Heal

When the hurt sets in we want it fixed, gone, poof, pill, drink, video game, movie, binging Game of Thrones, meditation, drawing, coffee, walking, gym, friends, family … anything.  Any fix.  Right now.  Distraction. Numbing. Silence. Dark. The realization that healing is slow and ongoing is a rotten kind of pain.  There is no immediacy, no…

2018 – What I Learned

Man I was sad a year ago! I’ve been keeping a regular journal for over two years and I have books and books and BOOKS of writing (eight from 2018 alone). This morning I decided to pull out my 2018 journals and read a little bit from early last year to get an idea of…

The Assimilation

Close your eyes and breathe and remember being held by your parents or by a close friend or by a lover … remember a moment where the boundaries between your body blurred next to theirs and you found yourself lost in the warm scent of entanglement, disconnected from your own separateness and softly smudged into…

From Toenails to Eyelashes

The day after my ex husband told me he was leaving I painted my toenails.  A lovely reddish brown color called Flirt graced my piggies and it didn’t even begin to make me feel better but had distracted me for a good ten minutes.  Months and months later I sat in the hot tub at…

To the Feast

It’s a Wednesday night and I’m sitting quietly at my dining room table, listening to the neighbor kids play football in the quickly waning sunlight (damn daylight savings time, it’s 6pm for god’s sake!). It’s lovely and I can feel tensions melting off me as I type. I’m solitary by nature, I like the quiet…

Indelible

I swam in the fury and the blame and how I felt again like my body and my experiences and my home and my safety don’t matter – like my daughters don’t matter. Our voices rose together in protest and smashed into the gates of the good old boys club and fell to pieces in…

#whyididntreport

#whyididntreport – because I was 14 and I thought it was my fault for not being clearer with my no. #whyididntreport – because I have been the victim of non-consensual sexual acts in the majority of my sexual relationships #whyididntreport – because those men who took sex from me without my consent would all claim…

My Place

If you’ve been following along you know that life (specifically my life) has been filled with tumult and change for the last few years. After the divorce I really struggled to determine where I belonged, where I felt at home and what made me … well, what made me ME.  I didn’t know what I…

Mimicking Self-Awareness

Today I am forty-three. Most of my life I have believed that other people knew better than me, were smarter and more put together, were more rational and steady.  I felt waves of emotional inconsistency in myself and found it a weakness.  I was unsure of what I wanted from minute to minute and found…

Moving on up!

Good lord moving is an exciting, exhilarating and monumental pain in the ASS! My family and I lived in our home for approximately nine years.  Nine years of children learning to read, tantrums, family dinners, laughter, tears, screaming, singing, love, hope and divorce.  Nine years of memories and diligently ignored basement cobwebs. I’d thought that…

Burgeoning Curiosity

I lived in fear for a decade.  Afraid so often and so consistently that I moved between two states, acute fear and the fear of experiencing acute fear. My daughter would scream at me and I would freeze, wide eyed and fighting not to run as my heart beat in my ears and my chest…

Risky Behavior

My last post was pretty intense and inspired MOUNTAINS of emails from friends and strangers all over the world. I am touched by the response and so honored to know that my words helped so many.  This is what we do folks, we put our truths out there and find our tribe – you are…

2017 – What I Learned

What an amazing year … I start out the year struggling to figure out how to breathe after my husband left, fighting alone to save the sinking ship of our family while he jumped to his backup plan with a shrug and a ‘sorry’… and then the humiliation and overwhelm and bitterness arrive, sweeping me…

Forward Thinking

All in all, my life is good.  I have beautiful children, a stable job, interests and hobbies galore, enough money to provide for my family … there is no objective reason why I should sit in the bottom of the shower and cry, but I do. Change sucks and despite months and months of trying…

A Sad Progression

It’s been nine months since we decided to separate and he moved out. Nine months of my trying to figure out who I am when I’m not in this family structure I worked so hard to cultivate. Nine months of therapy dealing with my maladaptive handling of multiple tragic and traumatic events in my life….

Blind Pigs and Harold Fry

Keeping a journal is a boon for me.  I write down lots of things, who irritated me at work, which of my children I will have to punish next, what I should have said in that conversation I had the other day…  And lots of quotes. If I read or hear something that moves me, I…

The Purpose of Dancing

It’s 2017 … and I didn’t make any resolutions.  Any of you who have been following along are well aware of how my planning nature can culminate in tremendous success and misery in equal measure. I’m living, just living. Today I have no aspirations for tomorrow or plans for next week.  Today I am enjoying…

Living at a ‘7’

It’s been several months since I have completed any new work.  Months of tears and therapy, of hurt and anger and extreme fear.  I found (and still find) myself unable to sit to create.  I stare at the paper, my mind harnessed in my sorrow blankie and nothing happens. I’ve been reading about mourning … A…

Perdition

I’m not a gamer, not really.  I enjoyed Final Fantasy X on the Playstation and I’ve been known to dabble in Fallout, but the real gaming, that happens between flesh and blood competitors with a master running the show … I’ve never done it.  But I have had the pleasure of illustrating some of it….

Living in the Moment … and Stippling

May was an awful month.  Let me say, I couldn’t be more happy that it’s over.  June is looking brighter already. So, without going into too much detail, here’s the skinny.  My husband and I have a bi-polar teenage daughter and I have anxiety issues Sometimes those two things coalesce into a hurricane of awful….

Searching for change

I try to always stay positive, to look at life through the lens of possibility rather than frustration or failure.  It’s a conscious thing, one I have to maintain daily since my inherent nature appears to be one of perpetual striving and worry. For the last few years I’ve been struggling with what kind of…

The Artist’s Way – Morning Pages, Failure and Censorship

On a recommendation from a friend I picked up Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way a few weeks ago. In short it’s a 12 week program for rediscovering your creativity, healing old wounds that keep us from being expressive and basically getting us creative types back on our feet again.  Mind you, I don’t feel like I haven’t…


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