To the Feast

It’s a Wednesday night and I’m sitting quietly at my dining room table, listening to the neighbor kids play football in the quickly waning sunlight (damn daylight savings time, it’s 6pm for god’s sake!). It’s lovely and I can feel tensions melting off me as I type. I’m solitary by nature, I like the quiet…

Indelible

I swam in the fury and the blame and how I felt again like my body and my experiences and my home and my safety don’t matter – like my daughters don’t matter. Our voices rose together in protest and smashed into the gates of the good old boys club and fell to pieces in…

#whyididntreport

#whyididntreport – because I was 14 and I thought it was my fault for not being clearer with my no. #whyididntreport – because I have been the victim of non-consensual sexual acts in the majority of my sexual relationships #whyididntreport – because those men who took sex from me without my consent would all claim…

My Place

If you’ve been following along you know that life (specifically my life) has been filled with tumult and change for the last few years. After the divorce I really struggled to determine where I belonged, where I felt at home and what made me … well, what made me ME.  I didn’t know what I…

Mimicking Self-Awareness

Today I am forty-three. Most of my life I have believed that other people knew better than me, were smarter and more put together, were more rational and steady.  I felt waves of emotional inconsistency in myself and found it a weakness.  I was unsure of what I wanted from minute to minute and found…

Moving on up!

Good lord moving is an exciting, exhilarating and monumental pain in the ASS! My family and I lived in our home for approximately nine years.  Nine years of children learning to read, tantrums, family dinners, laughter, tears, screaming, singing, love, hope and divorce.  Nine years of memories and diligently ignored basement cobwebs. I’d thought that…

Burgeoning Curiosity

I lived in fear for a decade.  Afraid so often and so consistently that I moved between two states, acute fear and the fear of experiencing acute fear. My daughter would scream at me and I would freeze, wide eyed and fighting not to run as my heart beat in my ears and my chest…

Risky Behavior

My last post was pretty intense and inspired MOUNTAINS of emails from friends and strangers all over the world. I am touched by the response and so honored to know that my words helped so many.  This is what we do folks, we put our truths out there and find our tribe – you are…

2017 – What I Learned

What an amazing year … I start out the year struggling to figure out how to breathe after my husband left, fighting alone to save the sinking ship of our family while he jumped to his backup plan with a shrug and a ‘sorry’… and then the humiliation and overwhelm and bitterness arrive, sweeping me…

Forward Thinking

All in all, my life is good.  I have beautiful children, a stable job, interests and hobbies galore, enough money to provide for my family … there is no objective reason why I should sit in the bottom of the shower and cry, but I do. Change sucks and despite months and months of trying…